October 26th
2023
Heal, hold, center: these three words make up the theme of this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which takes place every October in the U.S. “Heal” calls for us as a society to combat abuse and oppression, “hold” encourages us to acknowledge and support survivors, and “center” compels us to bring hidden stories of domestic violence out of the darkness and into the light. Many such stories have touched the lives of people from all backgrounds, including Co-parenting families. To honor its importance, we dedicate this post to raising awareness of domestic violence. Read on to learn more about how you can heal, hold, and center.
Domestic Violence Awareness Month takes place every October to raise awareness of abuse and promote proactive strategies for healthier relationships.
Domestic violence can include physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse against an intimate partner or family member. It can also include stalking and harassment. Perpetrators use domestic violence as a means to exert power and control over victims.
Domestic violence has been cited as a cause of 23.5% of divorces. A relationship breakup can also be an instigator for domestic violence. When domestic violence has occurred, the transition to co-parenting may be more difficult or drawn out, with higher levels of conflict.
Domestic violence can have serious, lifelong consequences. If you or someone you know has experienced domestic violence, seek support. You can also contribute to the cause by donating, becoming an advocate, learning more about the issue, and educating your child about healthy relationship dynamics.
The first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was held in October 1987, but domestic violence itself has been a problematic trend throughout history. The Office on Violence Against Women defines domestic abuse as a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain power and control over another person with whom one is in an intimate relationship. It is commonly called intimate partner violence (between current or former romantic partners, spouses, etc.) but can also include violence toward a family member (such as in the case of elder abuse). The violence can take many forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse, harassment, stalking, coercion, and technological abuse.
Violence has been perpetrated in relationships for centuries, particularly against women, children, and other marginalized populations. In fact, it was often considered an acceptable and even preferred means of discipline and punishment in many parts of the world.
Over time, cultural values began to shift, leading to the enactment of laws and policies to protect against domestic abuse. In 1978, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) was established, and in 2000 and 2005 the government finally passed two significant acts of legislation, The Violence Against Women Acts. These groundbreaking changes (among others) reinforced the basic human right to live free from physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. But unfortunately, they did not eradicate the perpetration of domestic violence altogether.
Current statistics show that domestic violence continues to be prevalent, across all genders, races, religions, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
The Covid-19 pandemic upended the lives of families everywhere in ways that we are just beginning to examine. Social distancing and quarantine regulations meant different things for different people; for some, they allowed for more quality time at home and made people feel closer to their significant others and family members than ever before. But for many, this period of isolation, along with physical and financial concerns, created additional stress and mental health issues. The specific effects on domestic violence are not yet clear; however, preliminary evidence does suggest the following:
A noteworthy connection exists between domestic violence and parental separation or divorce. Many survivors go on to leave their partners; in fact, 23.5% of divorcing adults cite domestic violence as the cause ( Source ). Meanwhile, the end of a romantic relationship can be an especially vulnerable time for everyone in the family and can perpetuate the abuse. Abusers may be triggered toward additional violence, while victims may face fear, PTSD, or additional mental health issues. This negative dynamic can intensify in the aftermath of the breakup and lead to ongoing conflict, legal and custody battles, and stress for parents and children.
At KohParenting, we’ve often spoken of conflict in co-parenting as inevitable and workable because it truly can be! Many co-parents, even those who argued frequently prior to their separation, go on to find solutions and form a healthy, cooperative co-parenting relationship. However, a past history of domestic violence can potentially create a higher risk for parenting partners and their children, and recognizing this risk is critically important for the safety of everyone involved. If you or someone you know is in this situation, we strongly encourage you to seek professional help; contact 1-800-SAFE or The National Domestic Violence Hotline for more information.
In keeping with this year’s theme, here are some suggestions for how you can get involved in the cause. For more ideas, check out our resource at the end of this post.
Intimate partner violence touches all of us, and we can all be part of the solution. We hope you’ll join us this month in promoting awareness of domestic violence by sharing this blog and posting in honor of #heal, #hold, #center on social media. At KohParenting, we’ll continue this mission year-round, because violence has no place in healthy co-parenting.
Does your child constantly challenge you? We have some surprising information to share on why this might not be such a “bad” thing! Stay tuned as we discuss this further in our next post.
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