Raising Kind Kids:

A parent’s ultimate goal is to raise healthy children who find happiness by contributing positively to the world. Recognizing World Kindness Week is one step toward achieving this, but it can’t be the only one. Sustainable kindness is a lifestyle, not one particular event, and to reap its benefits, we need to practice it daily. Here are some suggestions for ways you can foster kindness in your family.

• Treat yourself with kindness! Being gentle with yourself isn’t selfish or weak. Your own tank must be full for you to give to others, so pour in positive thoughts and energy. Be mindful of the thoughts running through your mind, and do your best to avoid being overly judgmental or critical of yourself. Engage in self-care whenever possible, and surround yourself with people who build you up.
• Be kind, friendly, and helpful to others. Smile, say hello to passersby when appropriate, use words like “please” and “thank you,” and do little everyday kind things for others (like holding doors, asking someone who fell if she’s okay, bringing meals to a sick neighbor, etc.). Check your words and posture toward others when your kids are within earshot. Your actions and words must align for your kids to process them fully and learn from them. Your child may adopt an unkind, pessimistic mindset if you frequently speak ill of others or complain about them.
• Treat your children with respect. Sometimes, we do things to our children that we would never do to anyone else. For example, we might enforce the idea that it’s unacceptable to yell at others by scolding them loudly. Or we might chastise them for not listening but neglect to look up from our phones when they’ve been calling to get our attention. Kids are just as worthy of respect as adults, and if they don’t get it, how can we expect them to extend it to others? Our previous post Kids Are People Too: How Co-Parents Can Use a Respectful Approach to Nurture Their Child's Development spells this out in greater detail.
• Treat your co-parent with respect. This might be hard at times, but the rewards are great. Keep your interactions respectful and positive in your child’s presence. When issues arise, do your best to utilize conflict resolution strategies rather than yelling or arguing.  
• Build empathy by embracing all feelings. Resist the urge to “correct” or override your child’s emotions and instead validate them. Talk about their feelings and help them to explore other people’s feelings as well. You can do this by reading books, playing games like “how would you feel if…,” or simply having feelings check-ins. 
• Make “kindness” a family motto. You want your children to make positive choices, not because they’re afraid of punishment or looking to get something out of it but simply because their conscience tells them to! You can teach them this by prioritizing compassion and kindness and promoting your family’s values as a way of life (i.e., a “motto) rather than a “rule” or “chore.” For example, your family motto could be “In the Jones’ family, we look out for one another and treat people how we want to be treated.” 
• Reinforce kind acts by giving them the recognition they deserve. Acknowledge when you, your parenting partner, your child, or someone else does something kind by referring to it as such. Incorporate regular gratitude practice into your day-to-day life. This can be especially powerful for co-parenting families when parenting partners express thankfulness toward each other or recognize each other’s positive qualities. For ideas, check out our previous post, Tis the Season for Thankfulness. 
• Involve your child in acts of altruism. There are many ways to be kind; even very young children can participate in most of them. Find volunteer opportunities you can do together. Involve your child in projects such as food drives, rounding up toy and clothing donations from your home, etc.
• Create kindness “challenges.” Find ways to make kindness playful and fun! You could create a kindness tree, for example, and place a leaf on the tree for every kind act. Or make a kindness jar, fill it with a token every time you witness something kind, and celebrate when it is full. Children and adults alike can be motivated by concrete, measurable goals.