Detrice Batten

Detrice’s Co-parenting Journey: 

When I had my son, I could not understand why I was failing at one of the very things I thought I knew how to do well. After all, I did a lot of things well: my job, communicating, listening, showing empathy, and helping others. At least, I thought I did. Yet, I found myself always getting into arguments with my son’s father. When I would try to talk with him about things concerning our son, it would lead us to a negative space in which neither of us wanted to be. I would often ask myself, “What am I doing wrong?

First, I tried not doing anything as if the situation would “magically” get better on its own. I quickly realized that there is no “magic.” Second, I tried the “silent treatment,” which meant I would only respond to him when he would initiate a conversation with me. Then I thought, to myself, this is my child’s father, and it wouldn’t be right to avoid communicating with him. Third, I tried being friends with him, similar to how things were before our son. I immediately realized that it was a terrible thing to do.

After crashing, burning, and tons of prayers, I realized that I had to change my mindset about things that I had not done in the past. I had to stop pushing my views or my way of doing things. I had to listen more. I had to stop sweating the small stuff. I had to stop trying to change things that I had no control over. After all, I was wasting time and energy that I could have been giving to my son. Most importantly, I had to embrace that we were different in ways, such as our upbringing, pasts, values, and perspectives. I realized that it was no longer about us and our differences. I began to understand just because I had a child with him didn’t mean we should always see eye to eye on things. However, having a child with him means being able to successfully co-parent regardless of our differences, put emotions to the side, and prepare to compromise on the essential things for our son’s best interest.