Self-Reflection: The Key to Stepping Up Your Co-Parenting Game

August 31st


Our mission at KohParenting is grounded in the importance of self-reflection and the key role it plays in co-parenting. Research demonstrates that it can increase effectiveness and satisfaction in parenting partners and children alike. But what does this common buzzword even mean? And how can you harness its power for your benefit? Join us as we dive deeper into the topic to uncover the rationale behind self-reflection and the ways it can step up your co-parenting game.

The Gist

Self-reflection means thinking about one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions and their impact on oneself and others. Being reflective means asking yourself questions about your beliefs and actions and then challenging them.
Much of what we do in parenting and relationships happens without us even thinking about it. Self-reflection can be useful because it makes us more aware of what we are doing and allows us the opportunity to change.
Engaging in self-reflection can help you learn about your values, your actions, your triggers, and your past. It can help you to correct errors in your thinking or behavior.
Your behavior impacts the behavior of your child and your parenting partner. When you make positive changes, you may notice positive changes in their behavior as well.

Self-Reflection: A Necessary Practice in All Relationships

Self-reflection simply refers to the act of pausing to think about one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. Engaging in self-reflection often means asking yourself about the impact of those thoughts, feelings, and actions on your well-being and the well-being of the environment and people around you. This can be useful in all aspects of your life, but when applied to parenting (and co-parenting) it has the power to change the dynamics of your relationship.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you have been hired for the most challenging job of your life, to build something from the ground up, with entirely raw material. Your training consists primarily of your past experiences, tons of conflicting information from all your colleagues around you, and whatever you can pick up instinctively on the fly. How would you approach this project? Would you forge ahead blindly, regardless of the outcome, without ever pausing to plan or evaluate how you’re doing? Would you blame the material when things go wrong? Would you disregard the feedback of experts in the field and push through with your own method even if it wasn't working?

It’s likely if you did any of these things in a “traditional” job, you’d be sternly rebuked or even fired. But when it comes to parenting, many of us set ourselves on automatic pilot and allow ourselves to be controlled by our subconscious. Sometimes, this works out in our favor, but other times, when those subconscious drives are maladaptive, it can have disastrous consequences. We may be stuck in a counterproductive pattern of behavior that causes harm to ourselves and others. To gain back our power, we need to become conscious of what we are doing, feeling, and thinking- and this is exactly what self-reflection can do for us.

Self-Reflection and Co-Parenting:

Relationships are a two-way street; it’s impossible to isolate the actions of one party because both are constantly exerting an influence on each other. Your behavior impacts your co-parent’s behavior, and your co-parent’s behavior impacts your own; your behavior impacts your child’s behavior, and your child’s behavior impacts your own. Self-reflection can then be an agent of change not only for you but for those people with whom you are in close relationship.

By Koh-Parenting Services LLC

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